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reality funnies
jan 21, 2021
HUMOR/SATIRE
Obama Hopes Biden Remembers How to Take Everyone’s Guns, Jobs, and Bibles
By James Schlarmann - political garbage chute
JANUARY 11, 2021
UNDISCLOSED SHARIA COMMIE SOCIALIST BUNKER, SOROSLAND — It’s been four long years since Agenda 666 has been implemented, and former President Barack HUSSEIN Obama (D-Kenya) hopes that his old ticketmate, incoming President-elect Joe Biden “remembers his training” and can successfully get the program started back up.
“Order 666 was of course the Obama executive order that gave the federal government permission to take away someone’s guns, job, or Christian Bible,” Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin said during a Sunday morning talk show appearance today. “It’ll be interesting to see if Obama’s old friend Joe can restart the program that Order 666 began. When Obama left office, as everyone knows, he left without a single gun being in the hands of an American citizen, but now there’ve been four years of unfettered access to firearms that Biden will have to address, if Order 666 is to be carried out once more.”
“Joe, are you ready? Is there anything you need to brush up on before you take office,” Obama writes to Biden. “Master Soros made it quite clear that Order 666 is still very much so in effect, and he’s going to want weekly updates on how many guns you’ve taken away. If you need to the new combination to the warehouse where we put all the guns we’ve grabbed, let me know, Joe.”
This morning, former President Obama was asked about his email to Biden while doing an interview on MSNBC.
“Now, uh, look…there are certain, shall we say…agenda items…that need to be addressed because there have been four long years without any gun grabbing,” Obama said. “That’s something Master Soros and I are very aware of, and the executive board of Antifa, Inc. has quotas and deadlines that’ll never get reached if Joe doesn’t hit the ground running, or grabbing as it were, in this case.”
“Order 666 was of course the Obama executive order that gave the federal government permission to take away someone’s guns, job, or Christian Bible,” Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin said during a Sunday morning talk show appearance today. “It’ll be interesting to see if Obama’s old friend Joe can restart the program that Order 666 began. When Obama left office, as everyone knows, he left without a single gun being in the hands of an American citizen, but now there’ve been four years of unfettered access to firearms that Biden will have to address, if Order 666 is to be carried out once more.”
“Joe, are you ready? Is there anything you need to brush up on before you take office,” Obama writes to Biden. “Master Soros made it quite clear that Order 666 is still very much so in effect, and he’s going to want weekly updates on how many guns you’ve taken away. If you need to the new combination to the warehouse where we put all the guns we’ve grabbed, let me know, Joe.”
This morning, former President Obama was asked about his email to Biden while doing an interview on MSNBC.
“Now, uh, look…there are certain, shall we say…agenda items…that need to be addressed because there have been four long years without any gun grabbing,” Obama said. “That’s something Master Soros and I are very aware of, and the executive board of Antifa, Inc. has quotas and deadlines that’ll never get reached if Joe doesn’t hit the ground running, or grabbing as it were, in this case.”
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humor: Fox News Says It Will Decide Trump’s Syria Response in Next Forty-Eight Hours
By Andy Borowitz - the new yorker
April 9, 2018
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel announced on Monday that it would decide what Donald J. Trump’s Syria response will be in the next forty-eight hours.
At a press conference at the network’s headquarters, Sean Hannity, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and the “Fox & Friends” co-host Steve Doocy said that, as the people who have been entrusted with the decision of whether to use military force, they were not taking their responsibility lightly.
“The U.S. military is the mightiest force in all the world,” Hannity said. “However we decide that President Trump will use that force in Syria, we promise that it will be a decision he will be proud of.”
Pirro said that she and her colleagues were taking “full advantage of the entire Fox News brain trust” to craft Trump’s Syria response. “The American people should sleep well at night knowing that we are keeping Tucker Carlson in the loop,” she said.
Ending the press conference on an urgent note, Doocy spoke directly to President Trump. “Mr. President, we’ll have a decision for you in the next forty-eight hours,” he said. “Don’t change the channel.”
At a press conference at the network’s headquarters, Sean Hannity, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and the “Fox & Friends” co-host Steve Doocy said that, as the people who have been entrusted with the decision of whether to use military force, they were not taking their responsibility lightly.
“The U.S. military is the mightiest force in all the world,” Hannity said. “However we decide that President Trump will use that force in Syria, we promise that it will be a decision he will be proud of.”
Pirro said that she and her colleagues were taking “full advantage of the entire Fox News brain trust” to craft Trump’s Syria response. “The American people should sleep well at night knowing that we are keeping Tucker Carlson in the loop,” she said.
Ending the press conference on an urgent note, Doocy spoke directly to President Trump. “Mr. President, we’ll have a decision for you in the next forty-eight hours,” he said. “Don’t change the channel.”
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FAKE NEWS: GOP Leaders Celebrate Decisive Win Over Americans
From The Onion: WASHINGTON—In the wake of the $1.5 trillion tax bill’s historic passage in both the House and the Senate, GOP leaders reportedly celebrated Wednesday their decisive win over everyday American citizens. “This is a monumental victory not only for us, but for everyone struggling under the reign of the average American,” said Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell, adding that party leaders made a promise to “take a stand against ordinary U.S. citizens,” before cracking open a bottle of champagne and proudly declaring that “today, we delivered.” “Of course, the fight against the people of this country is not yet over. We won this battle, but the war is still to come. However, if we carry on with the same vigor demonstrated today in our widely opposed tax overhaul, I know that we will prevail over Americans time and time again.” GOP leaders also expressed confidence that they would achieve another dominant victory over the American people as they push to close the deficit by cutting food stamp programs, Social Security, and Medicare.
fake news: Paul Ryan Slits Auto Mechanic’s Throat To Kick Off GOP Purge Of Working Class
From The Onion: WASHINGTON—Grinning proudly as blood gushed from his victim’s windpipe, House Speaker Paul Ryan reportedly slit an auto mechanic’s throat Wednesday to kick off the GOP purge of the working class. “With our tax reform bill giving us the mandate we have long desired, there’s nothing stopping us now—commence the bloodletting!” said Ryan, holding up the lifeless body of the local blue-collar worker as blood from his severed arteries sprayed reporters gathered at the press conference. “Now we can finally experience the sweet release of all our pent-up hatred of the parasitic working class without fear of punishment or retribution. The blood of the filthy proletariat will flow in the streets, and the families of truck drivers, nurses, and retail employees all over the nation will know our wrath. No one making under $50,000 a year is safe. Today, the American economy will be put back on the right track, and the liquidation begins!” At press time, blood-drenched Republican senators Bob Corker and Lisa Murkowski were seen sprinting into a Baltimore Walmart wielding machetes.
In politics stupidity is not a handicap
Napoleon Bonaparte
Dumb as a Brick
Cartoon: Doctor Hand
By Tom Tomorrow
Monday Jul 10, 2017 · 7:01 AM PDT
stupid shit
Victim Blaming the Planet
A federal judge gets it wrong on the oil pipeline through the Dakotas.
By Khalil Bendib
DEPLORABLES are deplorable
THINGS BLACK VOTERS LIKE MORE THAN TRUMP: BEDBUGS, BUBONIC PLAGUE, MOSQUITOES, CARNIES
BY DEMO. UNDERGROUND
urban justice
Reasonable Force
The everyday assault on Blue Lives.
By Khalil Bendib
