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reality funnies
jan 14, 2019
NYC To Rename Public Toilet After Trump
by James Schlarmann - THE POLITICAL GARBAGE CHUTE
1/12/20
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Officials in New York City have reached out to the White House and offered to rename a Manhattan landmark after the 45th President of the United States of America. Last year, the city considered a proposal to name a portion of 5th Avenue after former President Barack Obama. The blocks to be renamed would include sections of the famous Manhattan street that Trump Tower’s address is. Ultimately, city planners declined to rechristen any part of 5th as “Barack Obama Avenue.”
“Not enough New Yorkers like Mr. Trump enough for him to have carried his hometown, much less his home state. Nevertheless, as much as we try to downplay it, there is a connection between the Big Apple and Trump,” New York City Junior Deputy Councilperson Sheila Williams told reporters today, “and as such we have extended an olive branch to the president, offering to name one of our most often used public toilets after him.”
All the talk of renaming landmarks for presidents and former presidents started with a popular online petition asking city officials to rename a block of Fifth Avenue after former President Barack Obama. There is no denying the lack of love lost between Trump and Obama, and supporters of the previous Democratic president attempted to “troll” Trump with the petition. Mr. Trump’s famous Trump Tower currently calls the block that would be renamed “Barack Obama Avenue” its home.
While most city officials have come out against the renaming petition, within the city council, some felt a compromise of some sort could be reached.
“There was a petition to rename one of our landfills after Trump, but we thought that might be a bit much,” Williams explained, “and frankly, a toilet is probably much more closely related to New York’s least favorite son who isn’t named Donald Trump Jr.”
According to Williams, the public toilet in question is one of the most highly used in all of Manhattan, and it’s “pretty much the perfect fit for Trump.”
“It’s always overflowing and you can smell its shit from a mile away in a cab,” Williams said, “so there is literally no better tribute to that man in all of New York City.”
Reports are that President Trump is fuming at the suggestion that he have a toilet named after him, and is considering all the tools the Constitution gives him in order to respond.
“The president is not taking any measures off the table,” Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said, his mouth completely full of President Trump, making it hard for reporters to clearly understand him at points, “and so if that means a tactical, preemptive nuclear strike on the boroughs, then by God that’s what we’re going to do. No one insults my president and gets away with it!”
Apparently, there are multiple parties involved in the proposed name change that were highly insulted by it.
“As the one who’s going to get named after Donald Trump, I believe my voice should be heard,” the public toilet told reporters at a press conference today. “I’m already associated with the second most disgusting thing on the planet. Why do I have to get lumped in with the worst, just because I’m a toilet. Sure, he likes to get peed on, but I like to get peed IN, big difference.”
“Not enough New Yorkers like Mr. Trump enough for him to have carried his hometown, much less his home state. Nevertheless, as much as we try to downplay it, there is a connection between the Big Apple and Trump,” New York City Junior Deputy Councilperson Sheila Williams told reporters today, “and as such we have extended an olive branch to the president, offering to name one of our most often used public toilets after him.”
All the talk of renaming landmarks for presidents and former presidents started with a popular online petition asking city officials to rename a block of Fifth Avenue after former President Barack Obama. There is no denying the lack of love lost between Trump and Obama, and supporters of the previous Democratic president attempted to “troll” Trump with the petition. Mr. Trump’s famous Trump Tower currently calls the block that would be renamed “Barack Obama Avenue” its home.
While most city officials have come out against the renaming petition, within the city council, some felt a compromise of some sort could be reached.
“There was a petition to rename one of our landfills after Trump, but we thought that might be a bit much,” Williams explained, “and frankly, a toilet is probably much more closely related to New York’s least favorite son who isn’t named Donald Trump Jr.”
According to Williams, the public toilet in question is one of the most highly used in all of Manhattan, and it’s “pretty much the perfect fit for Trump.”
“It’s always overflowing and you can smell its shit from a mile away in a cab,” Williams said, “so there is literally no better tribute to that man in all of New York City.”
Reports are that President Trump is fuming at the suggestion that he have a toilet named after him, and is considering all the tools the Constitution gives him in order to respond.
“The president is not taking any measures off the table,” Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said, his mouth completely full of President Trump, making it hard for reporters to clearly understand him at points, “and so if that means a tactical, preemptive nuclear strike on the boroughs, then by God that’s what we’re going to do. No one insults my president and gets away with it!”
Apparently, there are multiple parties involved in the proposed name change that were highly insulted by it.
“As the one who’s going to get named after Donald Trump, I believe my voice should be heard,” the public toilet told reporters at a press conference today. “I’m already associated with the second most disgusting thing on the planet. Why do I have to get lumped in with the worst, just because I’m a toilet. Sure, he likes to get peed on, but I like to get peed IN, big difference.”
Mexico Updates Trump On How Much They’ve Paid For His Wall So Far
by James Schlarmann - THE POLITICAL GARBAGE CHUTE
1/10/20
MEXICO CITY, MEXICO — The government of Mexico reportedly sent the White House an updated Excel spreadsheet this morning, detailing exactly how much they’ve contributed to building a wall between the two countries since President Trump took office in January 2017.
“Mr. President,” Mexico wrote in an email to which the spreadsheet was attached, “it gives us great pleasure to send you this newly compiled spreadsheet. It contains the most accurate data up to this very moment re: our country’s financial contribution toward the monument to your racism and xenophobia.”
The spreadsheet, named “El Pinche Douchebag’s Wall,” is quite detailed. It’s a line item audit of every rivet, nail, screw, or bag of concrete that Mexico helped pay for. The spreadsheet is also completely and totally empty.
“What in the…wait…IVANKA WAKE UP,” the president was overheard shouting from within president’s bedroom this morning. “WAKE UP IVANKA! I need to you to look at this spreadsheet and tell me if you see anything on it. Mexico sent me this goddamn spreadsheet of how much they’ve paid for my big, beautiful wall so far, and I can’t see anything on it.”
The First Lady Daughter confirmed she also saw no data on the spreadsheet.
“This has to be some sort of mistake,” Trump bellowed, “it has to be. Those idiots prolly sent it before they hit ‘Save.’ I’m told you have to save files on computers. I wouldn’t know myself…too nerdy. But I’m told that.”
Trump picked up the bedside phone and got through to the operator.
“Get a message to Mnuchin,” the president ordered. “I want him to have Mexico send us the spreadsheet again, and tell them they were missing data on this last one.”
A few hours later, Trump received another email from the government of Mexico.
“El Gran Naranjo, greetings and we hope you are feeling your most pussy-grabbingest,” Mexico wrote. “We understand you were under the impression there was something amiss with the first spreadsheet we sent you. This caused us great alarm, thinking perhaps we sent one erroneously. However, we checked the attachment, and can confirm at this time you absolutely got the correct and most accurate spreadsheet we have on the subject. Thanks, and have a great day!”
The president was apparently still not convinced. He once again directed his administration to make contact with the government of Mexico. Trump demanded to know where the “correct and proper” spreadsheet could be found.
“Maybe Mexican math is different than American math,” Trump supposed. “If that’s the case, I can totally understand. But otherwise, this makes no sense to me. I need you all to get through to Capt. Mexico, or President Mexican, whatever his name is, and find out where my spreadsheet is. The good spreadsheet. The correct and proper one. Get on it! NOW NOW NOW!”
Once more, a few hours later, Trump’s iPhone alerted him to another email from Mexico. The president couldn’t open the email fast enough, giddy to see how much of a political victory he was going to be able to claim over his rival Democrats. Trump eagerly rubbed his hands together, counting the billions as the spreadsheet opened.
Except it was, once again, completely empty. Trump fired off yet another angry email to the Mexican government. This time, the email’s text was all in caps.
“Que chingas, Trump? Why do you keep asking us for copies of the same spreadsheet? This one is totally and completely verified,” Mexico wrote. “Every single line has been meticulously verified, double-checked, and now triple checked. There is nothing wrong, incorrect, or amiss about anything on this spreadsheet. We kindly ask that you stop emailing us on this subject as we now consider the topic closed for discussion until the next time that we update our figures. Thanks so much, y via con diablos, chingador.”
The White House has yet to respond to the final email, but sources say the president is still convinced there’s a spreadsheet somewhere that has the numbers he was expecting to find on it.
“Maybe it’s where Previous Black Administration’s real birth certificate is,” Trump could be heard saying. “Or maybe they put the real spreadsheet in a vault with video of ten trillion illegal Mexicans voting in California. But we’ll find it. By God, we’ll find it. And if we don’t find it, we’ll tell people we found it and pretend we can’t hear them or call them fake news enemies of the people when they ask to see it.”
“Mr. President,” Mexico wrote in an email to which the spreadsheet was attached, “it gives us great pleasure to send you this newly compiled spreadsheet. It contains the most accurate data up to this very moment re: our country’s financial contribution toward the monument to your racism and xenophobia.”
The spreadsheet, named “El Pinche Douchebag’s Wall,” is quite detailed. It’s a line item audit of every rivet, nail, screw, or bag of concrete that Mexico helped pay for. The spreadsheet is also completely and totally empty.
“What in the…wait…IVANKA WAKE UP,” the president was overheard shouting from within president’s bedroom this morning. “WAKE UP IVANKA! I need to you to look at this spreadsheet and tell me if you see anything on it. Mexico sent me this goddamn spreadsheet of how much they’ve paid for my big, beautiful wall so far, and I can’t see anything on it.”
The First Lady Daughter confirmed she also saw no data on the spreadsheet.
“This has to be some sort of mistake,” Trump bellowed, “it has to be. Those idiots prolly sent it before they hit ‘Save.’ I’m told you have to save files on computers. I wouldn’t know myself…too nerdy. But I’m told that.”
Trump picked up the bedside phone and got through to the operator.
“Get a message to Mnuchin,” the president ordered. “I want him to have Mexico send us the spreadsheet again, and tell them they were missing data on this last one.”
A few hours later, Trump received another email from the government of Mexico.
“El Gran Naranjo, greetings and we hope you are feeling your most pussy-grabbingest,” Mexico wrote. “We understand you were under the impression there was something amiss with the first spreadsheet we sent you. This caused us great alarm, thinking perhaps we sent one erroneously. However, we checked the attachment, and can confirm at this time you absolutely got the correct and most accurate spreadsheet we have on the subject. Thanks, and have a great day!”
The president was apparently still not convinced. He once again directed his administration to make contact with the government of Mexico. Trump demanded to know where the “correct and proper” spreadsheet could be found.
“Maybe Mexican math is different than American math,” Trump supposed. “If that’s the case, I can totally understand. But otherwise, this makes no sense to me. I need you all to get through to Capt. Mexico, or President Mexican, whatever his name is, and find out where my spreadsheet is. The good spreadsheet. The correct and proper one. Get on it! NOW NOW NOW!”
Once more, a few hours later, Trump’s iPhone alerted him to another email from Mexico. The president couldn’t open the email fast enough, giddy to see how much of a political victory he was going to be able to claim over his rival Democrats. Trump eagerly rubbed his hands together, counting the billions as the spreadsheet opened.
Except it was, once again, completely empty. Trump fired off yet another angry email to the Mexican government. This time, the email’s text was all in caps.
“Que chingas, Trump? Why do you keep asking us for copies of the same spreadsheet? This one is totally and completely verified,” Mexico wrote. “Every single line has been meticulously verified, double-checked, and now triple checked. There is nothing wrong, incorrect, or amiss about anything on this spreadsheet. We kindly ask that you stop emailing us on this subject as we now consider the topic closed for discussion until the next time that we update our figures. Thanks so much, y via con diablos, chingador.”
The White House has yet to respond to the final email, but sources say the president is still convinced there’s a spreadsheet somewhere that has the numbers he was expecting to find on it.
“Maybe it’s where Previous Black Administration’s real birth certificate is,” Trump could be heard saying. “Or maybe they put the real spreadsheet in a vault with video of ten trillion illegal Mexicans voting in California. But we’ll find it. By God, we’ll find it. And if we don’t find it, we’ll tell people we found it and pretend we can’t hear them or call them fake news enemies of the people when they ask to see it.”
Adderall Sponsoring Trump’s Next State Of The Union Address
by James Schlarmann - The Political Garbage Chute
1/9/20
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has reportedly inked a deal with Shire US, Inc, who manufactures the drug Adderall. The terms of the deal have not been fully disclosed, however in exchange for an unspecified investment in the Trump organization, Shire will have corporate sponsorship and naming rights over the next State of the Union Address given by President Trump, which is scheduled for February.
“At this time, we’re finalizing the details, but we have a couple of ideas for naming the event,” Shire deputy junior spokespusher Craig Kentleberry told the press today. “One thing is for certain, we at Shire truly appreciate any opportunities we’re afforded for marketing synergy, and you don’t get a much better marketing opportunity than having the President of the United States use your product.”
Kentleberry divulged a handful of the naming options that Shire is considering for next month’s speech. The address itself will be quite noteworthy because of its historic nature. Only three men have ever been impeached as sitting presidents in the nation’s history, which means the number of times an impeached president could have given the State of the Union address is quite low. Mr. Kentleberry said the timing of the speech certainly played into Shire’s decision to reach out to Trump to try and broker a sponsorship deal.
“Clearly he loves our product,” Kentleberry said. “Just watch him during any important speech he gives. He’s huffing and sneezing the whole time he’s speaking. We’re proud that Adderall is fueling not just his rage tweet marathons, but also plays a vital role in him having the guts to actually stand on a global stage and speak, because he knows deep down what an utterly stupid idiot he is, empirically speaking. Imagine how terrible his speeches would be without Adderall pumping through his veins.”
Shire plans to put a large bottle of Adderall on the dais from which Trump will deliver the speech on the House floor. They will also place a few large piles of Adderall, ground up into a fine powder, on the dais as well. This will allow Trump to “take a bump” whenever he needs it, Kentleberry explained.
“The one thing we know for absolute certain is that the State of the Union Adderall-ess will be the most memorable speech ever delivered in that historic chamber,” Kentleberry insisted. “One way or another, the president will see to that. You know he’s going to be feeling the pressure. You know that it’ll be bugging him the whole time that he’s speaking from the same place where a permanent taint was put on his presidency. The only thing we’re worried about is if we’ll be able to put a big enough supply of Adderall on the dais, because the last thing any of us want is him running out halfway through. No one wants to see what happens to an authoritarian reality-TV conman when he’s cut off in the middle of a meth binge.”
This morning, while pacing around the White House lawn awaiting a helicopter ride to McDonald’s, Trump agreed to shout at reporters, and took some questions on the developing story.
“This is a tremendously big deal for our country, sure, but most importantly for me,” Trump shouted, “but then again, since I am literally the country, or at least the only one in the country that the citizens are legally permitted to care about, in the end, this really is all about me…and how great I am.”
Trump sniffled and sniffled as she shouted.
“I don’t know why people think I have a drug problem with snorting something,” Trump sniffed and sniffed again, “it’s not like I give important speeches and can barely get through them, because I’m sniffling so much. If you hear that, don’t believe your ears! If you see that, don’t believe your lying eyes! But when they came to me with this deal, and told me they’d give my company, WHICH I AM TOTALLY NOT RUNNING OR ANYTHING, tons of money? How could I refuse? See — good for our nation. MY nation. One nation, under Trump.”
Senators Lindsey Graham and Ted Cruz were spotted in the parking lot, fighting over who got to praise Trump for this move first. Congressman Doug Collins was seen running toward the White House, putting on knee pads and doing mouth and lip warm-up exercises.
“At this time, we’re finalizing the details, but we have a couple of ideas for naming the event,” Shire deputy junior spokespusher Craig Kentleberry told the press today. “One thing is for certain, we at Shire truly appreciate any opportunities we’re afforded for marketing synergy, and you don’t get a much better marketing opportunity than having the President of the United States use your product.”
Kentleberry divulged a handful of the naming options that Shire is considering for next month’s speech. The address itself will be quite noteworthy because of its historic nature. Only three men have ever been impeached as sitting presidents in the nation’s history, which means the number of times an impeached president could have given the State of the Union address is quite low. Mr. Kentleberry said the timing of the speech certainly played into Shire’s decision to reach out to Trump to try and broker a sponsorship deal.
“Clearly he loves our product,” Kentleberry said. “Just watch him during any important speech he gives. He’s huffing and sneezing the whole time he’s speaking. We’re proud that Adderall is fueling not just his rage tweet marathons, but also plays a vital role in him having the guts to actually stand on a global stage and speak, because he knows deep down what an utterly stupid idiot he is, empirically speaking. Imagine how terrible his speeches would be without Adderall pumping through his veins.”
Shire plans to put a large bottle of Adderall on the dais from which Trump will deliver the speech on the House floor. They will also place a few large piles of Adderall, ground up into a fine powder, on the dais as well. This will allow Trump to “take a bump” whenever he needs it, Kentleberry explained.
“The one thing we know for absolute certain is that the State of the Union Adderall-ess will be the most memorable speech ever delivered in that historic chamber,” Kentleberry insisted. “One way or another, the president will see to that. You know he’s going to be feeling the pressure. You know that it’ll be bugging him the whole time that he’s speaking from the same place where a permanent taint was put on his presidency. The only thing we’re worried about is if we’ll be able to put a big enough supply of Adderall on the dais, because the last thing any of us want is him running out halfway through. No one wants to see what happens to an authoritarian reality-TV conman when he’s cut off in the middle of a meth binge.”
This morning, while pacing around the White House lawn awaiting a helicopter ride to McDonald’s, Trump agreed to shout at reporters, and took some questions on the developing story.
“This is a tremendously big deal for our country, sure, but most importantly for me,” Trump shouted, “but then again, since I am literally the country, or at least the only one in the country that the citizens are legally permitted to care about, in the end, this really is all about me…and how great I am.”
Trump sniffled and sniffled as she shouted.
“I don’t know why people think I have a drug problem with snorting something,” Trump sniffed and sniffed again, “it’s not like I give important speeches and can barely get through them, because I’m sniffling so much. If you hear that, don’t believe your ears! If you see that, don’t believe your lying eyes! But when they came to me with this deal, and told me they’d give my company, WHICH I AM TOTALLY NOT RUNNING OR ANYTHING, tons of money? How could I refuse? See — good for our nation. MY nation. One nation, under Trump.”
Senators Lindsey Graham and Ted Cruz were spotted in the parking lot, fighting over who got to praise Trump for this move first. Congressman Doug Collins was seen running toward the White House, putting on knee pads and doing mouth and lip warm-up exercises.
Dedicated to the stupid motherfuckers who believe both parties are the same
Nation Wonders How Much More Fucking Evidence Mueller Needs Exactly
By the Burrard Street Journal
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
After over a year of accumulating what many assume to be the most damning evidence ever against a sitting U.S. President, Americans today collectively wondered “how much more fucking evidence Robert Mueller needs exactly?”
Accusations of using campaign finances to bribe porn stars, colluding with Russian officials, and promising favouritism to certain companies have led to 19 indictments and 5 guilty pleas thus far. Now the overwhelming majority of Americans want to know what Bob Mueller needs to see exactly before making a decision.
“How much more fucking evidence does the guy need?” the U.S. populace questioned, stating that surely Mueller must be ready to make an announcement one way or another at this stage. “Like seriously, is Trump guilty or what?”
“What is it gonna take, video evidence of Trump literally murdering someone?” the nation queried, “That could take months to happen.”
Even Trump himself has called for Mueller to announce his findings. “Come on Bobby, show me your cards, whaddya got?” the President tweeted, reiterating his confidence that Mueller couldn’t possibly have evidence of everything he’s done.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world is currently wondering how much longer it should give America to sort its shit out before stepping in.
Accusations of using campaign finances to bribe porn stars, colluding with Russian officials, and promising favouritism to certain companies have led to 19 indictments and 5 guilty pleas thus far. Now the overwhelming majority of Americans want to know what Bob Mueller needs to see exactly before making a decision.
“How much more fucking evidence does the guy need?” the U.S. populace questioned, stating that surely Mueller must be ready to make an announcement one way or another at this stage. “Like seriously, is Trump guilty or what?”
“What is it gonna take, video evidence of Trump literally murdering someone?” the nation queried, “That could take months to happen.”
Even Trump himself has called for Mueller to announce his findings. “Come on Bobby, show me your cards, whaddya got?” the President tweeted, reiterating his confidence that Mueller couldn’t possibly have evidence of everything he’s done.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world is currently wondering how much longer it should give America to sort its shit out before stepping in.
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Trump Furious After Nobel Committee Gives Him Participation Trophy
By Andy Borowitz - the new yorker
May 24, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was reportedly furious after the Nobel committee informed him on Thursday that he would not receive a Nobel Peace Prize but would get a participation trophy instead.
In Oslo, a Nobel spokesman said that Trump would have the distinction of becoming the first world leader to receive such a trophy, also known as the Nobel Consolation Prize.
The spokesman displayed the prize, a gold-painted plastic trophy measuring eleven inches in height and featuring a small man at its pinnacle, holding a tiny laurel wreath over his head.
Announcing the award, the Nobel representative said, “Although Donald Trump did not actually achieve peace, he did talk a lot about it, and that should be worth something.”
In Oslo, a Nobel spokesman said that Trump would have the distinction of becoming the first world leader to receive such a trophy, also known as the Nobel Consolation Prize.
The spokesman displayed the prize, a gold-painted plastic trophy measuring eleven inches in height and featuring a small man at its pinnacle, holding a tiny laurel wreath over his head.
Announcing the award, the Nobel representative said, “Although Donald Trump did not actually achieve peace, he did talk a lot about it, and that should be worth something.”
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humor: Fox News Says It Will Decide Trump’s Syria Response in Next Forty-Eight Hours
By Andy Borowitz - the new yorker
April 9, 2018
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel announced on Monday that it would decide what Donald J. Trump’s Syria response will be in the next forty-eight hours.
At a press conference at the network’s headquarters, Sean Hannity, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and the “Fox & Friends” co-host Steve Doocy said that, as the people who have been entrusted with the decision of whether to use military force, they were not taking their responsibility lightly.
“The U.S. military is the mightiest force in all the world,” Hannity said. “However we decide that President Trump will use that force in Syria, we promise that it will be a decision he will be proud of.”
Pirro said that she and her colleagues were taking “full advantage of the entire Fox News brain trust” to craft Trump’s Syria response. “The American people should sleep well at night knowing that we are keeping Tucker Carlson in the loop,” she said.
Ending the press conference on an urgent note, Doocy spoke directly to President Trump. “Mr. President, we’ll have a decision for you in the next forty-eight hours,” he said. “Don’t change the channel.”
At a press conference at the network’s headquarters, Sean Hannity, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and the “Fox & Friends” co-host Steve Doocy said that, as the people who have been entrusted with the decision of whether to use military force, they were not taking their responsibility lightly.
“The U.S. military is the mightiest force in all the world,” Hannity said. “However we decide that President Trump will use that force in Syria, we promise that it will be a decision he will be proud of.”
Pirro said that she and her colleagues were taking “full advantage of the entire Fox News brain trust” to craft Trump’s Syria response. “The American people should sleep well at night knowing that we are keeping Tucker Carlson in the loop,” she said.
Ending the press conference on an urgent note, Doocy spoke directly to President Trump. “Mr. President, we’ll have a decision for you in the next forty-eight hours,” he said. “Don’t change the channel.”
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FAKE NEWS: GOP Leaders Celebrate Decisive Win Over Americans
From The Onion: WASHINGTON—In the wake of the $1.5 trillion tax bill’s historic passage in both the House and the Senate, GOP leaders reportedly celebrated Wednesday their decisive win over everyday American citizens. “This is a monumental victory not only for us, but for everyone struggling under the reign of the average American,” said Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell, adding that party leaders made a promise to “take a stand against ordinary U.S. citizens,” before cracking open a bottle of champagne and proudly declaring that “today, we delivered.” “Of course, the fight against the people of this country is not yet over. We won this battle, but the war is still to come. However, if we carry on with the same vigor demonstrated today in our widely opposed tax overhaul, I know that we will prevail over Americans time and time again.” GOP leaders also expressed confidence that they would achieve another dominant victory over the American people as they push to close the deficit by cutting food stamp programs, Social Security, and Medicare.
fake news: Paul Ryan Slits Auto Mechanic’s Throat To Kick Off GOP Purge Of Working Class
From The Onion: WASHINGTON—Grinning proudly as blood gushed from his victim’s windpipe, House Speaker Paul Ryan reportedly slit an auto mechanic’s throat Wednesday to kick off the GOP purge of the working class. “With our tax reform bill giving us the mandate we have long desired, there’s nothing stopping us now—commence the bloodletting!” said Ryan, holding up the lifeless body of the local blue-collar worker as blood from his severed arteries sprayed reporters gathered at the press conference. “Now we can finally experience the sweet release of all our pent-up hatred of the parasitic working class without fear of punishment or retribution. The blood of the filthy proletariat will flow in the streets, and the families of truck drivers, nurses, and retail employees all over the nation will know our wrath. No one making under $50,000 a year is safe. Today, the American economy will be put back on the right track, and the liquidation begins!” At press time, blood-drenched Republican senators Bob Corker and Lisa Murkowski were seen sprinting into a Baltimore Walmart wielding machetes.
In politics stupidity is not a handicap
Napoleon Bonaparte
Dumb as a Brick
Cartoon: Doctor Hand
By Tom Tomorrow
Monday Jul 10, 2017 · 7:01 AM PDT
stupid shit
Victim Blaming the Planet
A federal judge gets it wrong on the oil pipeline through the Dakotas.
By Khalil Bendib
DEPLORABLES are deplorable
THINGS BLACK VOTERS LIKE MORE THAN TRUMP: BEDBUGS, BUBONIC PLAGUE, MOSQUITOES, CARNIES
BY DEMO. UNDERGROUND
urban justice
Reasonable Force
The everyday assault on Blue Lives.
By Khalil Bendib
